Maternity to juggle everything by Julie

Reading time: 5 minutes.

My name is Julie, I'm 32 years old, and I’m the mother of Pia, who is 5, and Alma and Léon, twin 2-year-olds. I work with my mom in the ready-to-wear sector, and together we co-founded the Libertie stores 12 years ago. We live in Paris, and we’ve just moved into our little nest after 4 years of renovations.

I’m an only child. People often ask me if I would have liked to have siblings, and I’ve always answered a bit mechanically, “No, I’m fine as I am,” probably out of fear of hurting my parents’ feelings…

My parents divorced when I was a teenager, and it all hit me hard. I found myself caught between them, without a release valve or the support of a brother or sister. I quickly realized that I would need to create my own circle, my new cocoon. Since adolescence, I remember that my number one goal was to start my own family and have children.

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS)

But at 18, I was diagnosed with PCOS. The gynecologist I consulted told me that I could have children, but it would probably take time.

I was terrified of not being able to have children, and it consumed my thoughts constantly. Whenever I took small risks in life, my inner voice would say, "Be careful, little one, don’t mess up, it would be a shame to die before becoming a mother." It was almost obsessive!

I started working quite young. At 21, my mom invited me to join her entrepreneurial adventure. Soon after, I met my husband, but for him, having a baby was not a priority at all (laughs).

He quickly discovered my desire for motherhood… and it scared him a few times. But after several years of relationship, he finally gave the “go” to start the project. We both conditioned ourselves to the idea that it might take a while.

Assisted reproductive technology (ART)

We immediately started with ART. It made me sad not to be able to get pregnant naturally, but at the same time, I wasn’t too stressed because I knew we had time.

After an IVF cycle that didn’t work, and after a year and a half of treatments, we decided to take a break for the holidays! We needed to relax and get away from the daily routine, so we booked a three-week trip to India. Five days before leaving, we learned that I was pregnant! We canceled the trip and ended up going to a closer, more reasonable destination.

Pregnancy

I was extremely stressed during the first few months. I was on blood thinners and had daily injections, which caused bleeding. Of course, bleeding during pregnancy is panic-inducing!

After the first two months, I felt like everything was going well, and I was much more relaxed. We were eagerly awaiting our little girl! The pregnancy was going smoothly; it was fairly easy. At that point, I wasn’t putting much pressure on myself at work. My priority was to have my baby. I was 26 years old.

I found the ART journey complicated on many levels, but what I found almost impossible was balancing it with work. We were advised to see experts in the field, but their office was at the other end of Paris. There were many appointments, every two or three days, and of course, I had to rest after each intervention... I often wondered how I would have managed this if I had been employed in a corporate job. I can easily imagine the additional pressure on women who need to justify their absences and repeated appointments in such environments. My mom was aware and supported me a lot, both as a mother and a business partner.

Our daughter Pia was born full term, everyone was healthy, and my husband turned out to be a real softie as a dad. We were overjoyed! Becoming a mother made me feel much more fulfilled in life—it calmed me and gave me energy! After the birth, I accelerated a bit professionally. Pia went to daycare, and we had the same life as before, but better. The rhythm was manageable.

Having a second child

We quickly talked about having a second child. We were doing really well as three, but we knew it could take time. After Pia’s first birthday, we began the baby number 2 project. We didn’t pressure ourselves; we already felt very lucky to have Pia.

A year passed and still no baby on the horizon, so I decided to visit my local gynecologist this time. I didn’t really like our first experience, even though the gynecologist was very renowned and a pioneer in IVF. I didn’t like the impersonal feel of the practice—it felt like a factory.

My local gynecologist suggested a “custom” ART approach (laughs). His office was near my work, and we just did small hormone injections, with regular monitoring, and waited to see what would happen. I felt less pressure, and everything felt more human. He has three children, and we got along well. He had just had twins and kept telling me how tough it was! He wasn’t sleeping at night.

Then, my husband and I decided to take a romantic weekend trip to London, which made me miss a monitoring appointment. I even had severe abdominal pain during our trip, but I didn’t think much of it. Weekends alone are rare, so I pushed through!

Pregnant again

Two weeks later, I realized I was pregnant. I’ve always gotten pregnant whenever I allowed myself moments to relax and unwind. ART is very restrictive; everything is calculated, nothing is spontaneous. In the end, a change of air, relaxing, really helps and unlocks so much.

I made an appointment with my gynecologist, but my husband, due to a work obligation, couldn’t come with me. He told me he would come to the next one. So, I went to my appointment, and to everyone’s surprise, the doctor said there were three or four sacs and asked me to come back in a week for more certainty. I was alone with the gynecologist, who had repeatedly told me at previous appointments that having twins was extremely difficult! Naturally, my reaction was to burst out laughing, then cry, then laugh some more…

The explanation was that I had been overly stimulated. If I had gone to that appointment instead of taking the weekend off, he probably would have told me not to try at that moment…

After leaving the appointment, I called my husband and asked him to sit down. I explained that things hadn’t gone as planned and that there were several sacs…

But the following tests confirmed we were expecting twins. People often ask me if I was shocked when I heard the news, but for me, when I heard “three or four,” I thought “two babies, that’s doable!” So, we were incredibly happy!

Then we were told the sexes: a girl and a boy. My husband was very happy, and I was too. The idea of having two boys at once made me a little anxious. Too much energy! (laughs)

Twin pregnancy

In hindsight, the pregnancy went quite well. I was able to work until the end. I ramped up my work a bit, wanting to get as much done as possible while they were still inside me, as I knew the future was a bit of an unknown.

My belly felt very heavy, and I looked like I was at full term starting from the sixth month. Everyone kept asking me, “When is it happening?”

I was a bit depressed, and sometimes I really wondered what our life would be like. I would panic, then reassure myself that we would manage! It was like a roller coaster. Going from a family of three to the status of a large family was sometimes “too much” for an only child like me (laughs). Our first daughter, Pia, always adapted. We took her everywhere, without too much hassle! When I thought about life as five, I had some doubts.

The birth

I love the moment of birth. For me, it’s really a magical, suspended moment. I was on cloud nine. I was incredibly proud to have brought our two babies into the world. They were perfectly healthy, and the meeting with their big sister was so touching. We were at the peak of happiness!

Coming home was harder. It was my first experience with the baby blues. I was happy, but I cried for several days. I was exhausted, with the hormonal drop and the really short nights at the start.

My husband was working, and I was home alone. With twins, you barely finish one feeding or diaper change before it’s time for the next. It’s non-stop!

My organization

I told my husband to go to work and keep his vacation days because I thought I could handle it. It was June, and we wanted to spend all of August together.

But I quickly realized that one child versus three children is very different! I didn’t want to give up my freedom, our couple life, my work, etc. We realized that this time it was serious, and we had to get organized to “survive.”

Digesting and embracing life with a large family took time. I had such a deep desire for children, I didn’t understand why I was struggling to settle into our new life. With my first daughter, we felt free to improvise. With three children, improvisation can quickly turn into a disaster. I decided to organize repetitive tasks: diapers, baths, meals. During the holidays, I got some help at home. We had a young au pair that summer. I had been an au pair myself when I was younger. I found my family by signing up on Aupairworld.com, and it’s still a great website.

This precious help allowed us to preserve moments with our firstborn, and we were able to keep giving her one-on-one time. The arrival of two babies at once wasn’t easy for her either!

Alma and Léon are looked after at home by a nanny, and they go to daycare once a week. This allows us to have a relaxed rhythm, no stress in the morning or evening. The days fly by… but with this organization

Balancing work and personal life

I’m lucky to have been able to organize my life around my family: I have an office just five minutes' walk from home. In the morning, I prepare in peace, and the little ones are never far away... it’s a lot of cuddles and chats. In the evening, it’s more lively! I get home around 7 p.m., the kids are showered and finishing their dinner. Then they know that we are completely available to play with them, listen to their day, etc...

For me, it requires a well-oiled organization with a routine that everyone in the family has fully embraced to allow us some free time and feel free!

Of course, a little hiccup can throw everything off balance very quickly!

Soon the little ones will be starting school, and we’ll need to figure out a new routine. I’m already trying to think of a strategy, and it’s going to be a bit more challenging!

My husband is very involved, and we naturally divide roles according to our affinities. He really manages things well, and he often impresses me (I don’t tell him enough)!

We were told a lot that the first three years with twins are complicated, that you need to be organized, and don’t hesitate to ask for help. At first, I didn’t believe it, but it’s all true!

Taking care of myself

I haven’t always had the time to take care of myself. I lost weight quite quickly because I was running everywhere, and sometimes I didn’t have time to cook something for myself. But I’m not at my best, far from it, and at some point, I just gave up because I couldn’t manage everything. The kids, work, and the construction project on the side... I went through a phase of jeans, t-shirts, and sneakers, and I just tied my hair back, and that was enough.

This year, I’ve felt the need and desire to take more time for myself. We started doing yoga at the office, which has helped me reconnect with the body I had somewhat neglected. It feels so good!

Returning to work

After the twins were born, I went back to work very quickly. A lot of people around me told me not to go back to work right away, that children grow too fast and I should enjoy the time with them. But the company needed me, and I also needed to regain my work rhythm and my balance.

The lockdown

Of course, that pesky virus changed our routine. I had to slow down at work, which was forced but also for my greatest happiness! We enjoyed spending time with our children and taking things slower.

The first lockdown was tough! The kids were really small, and we both worked remotely, taking turns as best as we could, day/night, weekdays/weekends. Our apartment was under renovation, so my mom kindly lent us her house. We were very lucky to experience a more peaceful life in the south of France.

The construction project

It was a big challenge for us. We had the opportunity to add an extension to our apartment. The project took four years, and naturally, it evolved during that time. It grew alongside us and our family. Everything has its place, and everything is optimized (which helps with the smooth flow of our daily life). I spent time thinking about the layout, while my husband took care of the construction part. The feasibility of such a project is rare, and we were very fortunate. After four years of stress, we’re happy to settle into our new home.

Becoming an entrepreneur

I often hear people say that it’s not the right time, that you can’t do everything at once. But I believe that if you want it, you can do it all at once. My children are my boost! I’m much more productive since becoming their mom.

As for the couple side of things, it’s sometimes tricky. Three kids, work, two lockdowns – it’s intense! But we try to find time for each other, and we communicate a lot... The key is to talk. And having children strengthens the bond, even if you don’t have much couple time left.

Whether personally or professionally, everything can’t be perfect all the time, as we all know!

All this balance can quickly collapse, but the time we’re going through forces us to adapt and put things into perspective. Now we’re looking forward to escaping with the children, we love it, and they do too!