Pregnancy and Covid-19 by Aïchetou

Reading time: 5 min.

My name is Aïchetou, I’m 32 years old, I live in Paris with my partner, and I’m an international e-commerce manager. I also have a dog, and I’m about to have a little girl. Morgan and I have been together for a year and a half, since September 2019. But we’ve known each other since 2009!

The desire for a child

I think that, even though our relationship 10 years ago was very short, it created a foundation. During those 10 years without seeing each other, we both thought about that story.

When we got back together, even though we were a bit awkward and felt like two teenagers, it was so easy to communicate with each other. Things moved really quickly after that. We got together in September, I think we went to his parents' house in February, so it was fast. Then COVID hit, and I naturally moved in with him. Lockdown together, just the two of us. It went extremely well. Things were pretty clear, so we didn’t overthink it. And when it came to having a baby, we started talking about it quite early, without it being a concrete project just yet, but the topic came up pretty quickly."

The child project

I had stopped taking the pill years ago because I didn’t like the idea of taking hormones. In fact, I’m always looking for alternatives to medications; I never take Doliprane, for example.

I’ve been on this path for a long time, and we weren’t 100% careful either. We had always said that if it happened, we would take responsibility. We didn’t really pay attention. After a year, we decided to really try. I got pregnant in August.

Everything aligned, nature did its job pretty well. What I would say about our relationship is that it’s obvious. A lot of things happen without us necessarily trying to make them happen. We support each other, and we bring something extremely positive to each other.

The pregnancy

The first few months were really a nightmare. I had a lot of nausea. And it was very difficult to keep this news to myself, not being able to tell anyone. We couldn’t talk about it too much at the beginning. But at the same time, we were so happy. It was crazy.

When I got pregnant, I remember having a hangover that lasted for several days, even though I had only had 4 glasses of wine at a dinner with friends. It was strange. We had talked a lot about pregnancy and what it was like to be parents with those friends, who all had children and/or were expecting one.

I had a feeling. I thought, “Actually, I’m pregnant.” And it had been about ten days since I was, it was still very new, and I hadn’t had a big delay yet, maybe just three or four days.

When I decided to take the test, one Sunday, feeling miserable after my workout (laughs), I came home, and my partner was taking care of his plants. I told him at that moment that I still had nausea. He said, “Oh, are you by any chance pregnant?” in a joking tone. I replied, “Well, let’s check, I bought two tests!” I had taken two so I could do one the next morning.

When I got the positive result, we were like two 15-year-olds—forever teenagers (laughs). We sat down, hugged each other, smiled, kissed, and laughed. We were happy, and at the same time, we didn’t really understand what was happening. Then, we were mostly excited to tell our families and friends.

We told our friends in October when I celebrated my birthday. We had a small breakfast with a few people, as restaurants were already restricted due to Covid. We ended up having a drinks afternoon at one of my best friends' houses, and the lighting was amazing, there was the perfect atmosphere for that kind of announcement. We dropped the news that I was pregnant at that moment. Since I couldn’t drink, it was pretty obvious, but apparently, they hadn’t figured it out! A beautiful memory.

Covid and Pregnancy

I almost felt like the Covid context was a "blessing" during pregnancy because you have less FOMO about missing out on a dinner or a party, and you're more focused on yourself and your family, you're kind of forced into it. You preserve your resources and energy.

As for work, since digital has taken up a lot of space in this context, I had a lot of work, and since we’re all working remotely, colleagues don't really realize you're pregnant, they kind of forget. I felt this even more when I caught Covid right in the middle of my second trimester. I felt a bit alone at that point. My little Covid quarantine was much harder than any of the lockdowns we had before. Because I was somewhat alone in that situation, life was going on elsewhere, and I had to keep working. I also put that pressure on myself because I could have taken time off. I had a team relying on me for work deadlines. I had the feeling that my colleagues and management didn’t realize I was pregnant because we don’t see each other daily, because we’re behind screens, and they don’t see my belly. Everything is virtual, and the line between professional and personal life blurs quickly, so it's not easy to protect yourself. But it’s not just work; it’s also the fact of being in quarantine this way. It was pretty tough working together every day at the same small table in the living room. Not seeing the days go by because we kept jumping from one call to the next. And on top of that, we couldn’t go out to blow off steam or have a little dinner with friends, for example. I even missed your campaign shoot (laughs).

When it comes to physical concerns, I had some at the very beginning because we didn’t really know the long-term effects of this virus. But since I didn’t have too many symptoms, I quickly told myself that I’d be okay. The worry passed after three days of checking my temperature and seeing that I didn’t have a fever, and it seemed more like a little sore throat. Still feeling the baby move, I thought she was fine. I stayed positive.

As a pregnant woman, I followed the same health protocol as everyone else, but personally, I contacted my midwife and my haptonomist (I’m doing haptonomy to prepare for childbirth). I had seen one of them a few days before being diagnosed positive, so I had to let her know, and I had to cancel my appointment with the other one. My midwife just told me to rest and monitor my temperature, that as long as there was no fever, everything would be fine. However, just like with the flu for pregnant women, if you have a fever, you need to go to the emergency room.

Preparing for baby's arrival

Today, we’re both still working a lot. Morgan is an entrepreneur, and the majority of the shares in his company were recently bought out, so it’s a new chapter for him that requires a lot of adjustments and work. I’m also working hard to wrap up as much as I can before my maternity leave and to manage the training of my replacement. There are many positive things happening both professionally and personally, but the pace is intense. We’ve just entered into a civil partnership and we’re buying an apartment too!

We’re putting a lot of things in place, and it’s going pretty fast. At the beginning of my pregnancy, I thought things were moving slowly, I was so eager to start talking about it, to begin preparation with the midwife, I wanted to do prenatal yoga, etc. I even started haptonomy quite early, but at that point, you don’t feel anything yet, it’s not very concrete. But it’s still almost magical to think that a little being is developing inside me, and that we can already communicate in a certain way.

By the beginning of the second trimester, we really started to feel the movements, and haptonomy became more interesting. I also started seeing the midwife around this time for the beginning of the preparation, so things started to feel more real. You also feel more confident about what’s to come.

Thinking about the birth

I don’t have any particular concerns about the birth. I don’t know why, but I’m actually pretty calm about it all. I have a kind of trust in how it’s going to unfold, which wasn’t the case at the very beginning. At first, I was uncertain. You don’t know, you learn as you go, and it can be a bit overwhelming. You don’t even know what to eat with all the pregnancy food restrictions!

Since the second trimester, even though the nausea didn’t end until the middle of the trimester, I’ve felt pretty calm. I was frustrated because of Covid, not being able to go to prenatal yoga classes. I can go see my midwife and do haptonomy sessions in the office with Morgan, but I can’t do the little extras that are enjoyable during pregnancy. I find it a bit unfortunate to do yoga alone behind a screen. Normally, these are moments of meeting and exchange with other pregnant women.

I hope things will soon go back to "normal" because I miss that more fun aspect, the socializing, the community, the self-care. But I follow some great accounts on Instagram, I have a stack of birth books (some of which I haven’t even opened yet), and I’ve always loved esotericism, so I’m looking into other methods of childbirth preparation. I have a book that I’ll start at the beginning of my maternity leave, which is about the "Golden Month." I think I’ll do that after the birth. You shouldn’t have too many expectations, but I find it interesting.

Birth plan

In the first trimester, you’re uncertain about everything. You don’t understand. We’re not given enough information. For example, you don’t even know what your first appointment should be. It’s all blurry.

They tell you that you need to register at the maternity ward right away, but what do I choose? They tell you that by the sixth month, you need to secure a spot at the daycare, etc. It’s like when you’re in your last year of high school and they tell you that you have to choose a track that will determine the career you’ll have. There are so many things to set up quickly, but you’re lost because everything is new. And with the Covid context, you can’t travel as easily, so it’s even harder. I found the first trimester tough.

Today, when it comes to my birth plan, I know there are many possibilities and that you can choose exactly how you want it to go, in soft lighting (laughs). Right now, I don’t have a real plan.

I admire all those women who give birth naturally, but that’s clearly not going to be for me (laughs). I would like to have an epidural. I think I’ll also have my little playlist, with soft lighting, possibly, and "Sexual Healing" playing in the background (laughs).

Perineum exercises

I’m also training to avoid having an episiotomy. I just started using Epi-no, which was prescribed to me at the end of the second trimester. It’s a little balloon that, when inflated to the maximum, represents the diameter of a newborn’s head. When it’s deflated, it’s easy to insert without pain. There’s a scale, and you need to exert pressure to inflate the balloon inside. Gradually, through exercises, you’re supposed to get the balloon to a size of 9 cm in diameter, which is nearly the size of the baby’s head. The extra centimeter is kind of "gifted" to you because, during delivery, the mucous membranes and other fluids help ease the passage, so it glides (laughs). You start at a certain stage, and gradually you should be able to remove the balloon. Your perineum strengthens to help you give birth with minimal tears and without needing an episiotomy.

When you don’t know, you think that logically, you should train the perineum to relax and be more flexible. But maybe strengthening it makes it more elastic in some way. This way, the passage of the baby isn’t too harsh on this muscle.

This method helps you discover this muscle and become aware of it. Right now, I have muscle soreness, for example (laughs). I had already discussed methods for strengthening the perineum with other women, including a friend with whom I have many discussions about sexuality and esotericism. We talked about methods like using Kegel balls, etc. I was already aware of how important this muscle is, without trying anything myself. But I didn’t know about the Epi-no method and didn’t realize it could cause soreness in this area. The day after the first session, I had really good muscle soreness, I even felt like I had a bruise!

The rhythm for this is that I need to do it every two days, and gradually, I should do it more frequently. Several times a week, then daily. You’re usually supposed to wait until the second trimester ultrasound to start this method. That’s how it works with my gynecologist and midwife. In addition to the exercises with the balloon, there are also pressure exercises to do on the balloon before you inflate it.

Staying positive

For me, what’s important right now is to maintain a positive attitude. Everything that has happened over the past year, we can’t change. And I’m incredibly lucky to be expecting a desired child; it’s a magical and unique moment. For me, it’s precious. I feel lucky to have this with this man, with all of our history. For me, it’s amazing, and it feels like the stars are aligning. Sometimes, I like to think that maybe the conductor of this alignment is my guardian angel, my mom, who passed away four years ago.

My family history

I had a conversation with the haptonomist before we knew the baby’s sex, and I learned that my mother had lost a little girl at six months of pregnancy and had to be on bed rest for the last months of her pregnancy with me. She had advised us not to ask for the baby’s sex.

I had that history in mind when I got pregnant. The haptonomist always asks how we’re feeling, our family history, and our approach to pregnancy at the start of the follow-up. I talk about my mother, who passed away, and I tell her that she was really my pillar. I didn’t grow up with my father; he lives in Mauritania, and we don’t have much contact, a bit more since my mother passed, but we don’t have that father-daughter relationship. My mother was really everything to me, and her loss was immense. What she went through with maternity was really significant, which is why she gave me that advice.

We decided not to ask the sex, but in the end, it was stronger than me. We wanted to be able to envision the future and talk about it during the holidays with family. I think every pregnancy is unique, and I decided to assume that they are not predetermined by our mothers’ pregnancies.

Not experiencing this pregnancy with my mother is quite special, and I think about it a lot, but I feel like she’s with me in a different way. I miss her, but this feeling carries me positively. I tell myself she’s accompanying me and will always be with me—she was a very protective mom (laughs). Now, I want to pass on to my child as much positivity and love as she gave me in her life and that she continues to send me from wherever she is.