Pregnancy as an obvious choice by Kenza
Reading time: 7 minutes
I don't know if I can say I had the best pregnancy in the world, as if I've already experienced ten in my life, but I truly think I had an ideal pregnancy: no pain, no nausea, no insomnia, nothing... it was amazing!
However, the last month was a bit more complicated, like always, I think, because I felt heavier, and especially, I had to learn to deal with the heatwave starting in the 8th month, which was a bit tough. But honestly, other than that, I felt ready to start a football team (laughs)! I really enjoyed being pregnant, I felt great.
What I found surprising, for someone like me who is usually all about control — I always make sure to eat well, take care of myself, and exercise a lot, not only for aesthetic reasons but also for my health, I like to take charge of things in general... — with pregnancy, it was the first time I really let go: even though I was convinced I’d be the kind of woman who would keep up her control during pregnancy, meaning continuing to exercise, eating carefully for my baby... well, I ended up doing the complete opposite!
Photography by Matthieu Khalaf
"With pregnancy, it was the first time I truly let go."
I continued to do a bit of exercise, but honestly, very casually, not at all with the goal of not gaining weight, because so far I’ve gained a little over 15 kilos, especially in the last month actually, so naturally, I have cellulite, my thighs are swelling even though I’ve always had toned legs, but I couldn’t care less: I feel good, I feel fulfilled. If someone had told me one day, “You’ll be pregnant, you’ll gain weight, you’ll exercise much less, and you won’t pay as much attention to what you eat,” I wouldn’t have believed them. And I didn’t really do much exercise, in fact, it was more for maintenance: usually before pregnancy, I would do hour and a half sessions, pretty cardio-focused stuff, yoga that works a lot on the abs, for example, but this time it was very different. I did a little at home based on how I felt, I would do a 20-minute video every day, searching for “prenatal yoga or pilates,” with a lot of stretches, and it felt really good, especially starting from the 5th month when my belly had popped out.
In any case, I’d say that pregnancy has calmed me down, maybe it’s the hormones, but I’ve experienced everything really well: even my physical transformation, even though it’s not that noticeable! I’ve been told, "Oh, but you haven’t gained anything!" Yes, guys, I’ve gained 15, maybe even 16 kilos! I don’t know exactly because I don’t weigh myself much, but anyway, I’m relaxed about it.
Regarding my diet, during the first three months, I was discovering pregnancy, and of course, when the medical team tells you that you’re not immune to toxoplasmosis and that you should avoid certain foods, you pay extra attention: I washed all my fruits, all my vegetables, my salads—everything went through apple cider vinegar, anything! I didn’t order anything from restaurants, and since I don’t eat meat normally, it was a bit of a hassle. But during the second trimester, which for me coincided with the lockdown, I let go of all the restrictions: I allowed myself more things. I hadn’t contracted toxoplasmosis for 33 years, so I figured it would really take a lot of bad luck to catch it now… In general, starting from the second trimester, I relaxed a lot, without going to extremes, but I allowed myself more, I felt less fragile than the first three months.
During the lockdown, I was pregnant, so I felt very calm mentally, while normally, if I weren’t pregnant, I would have lost it because I literally left the house three times in two and a half months: once to go to the lab, once to go to the gynecologist, and once for a nighttime walk! It was quite tough because even though we have a large apartment, it’s still a Parisian apartment where you live pretty much within four walls. Luckily, I had my little morning ritual, I would get up and do my 20 minutes of exercise, that did the job, and I think that when you don’t have a choice, you just resign yourself anyway!
Photography by Matthieu Khalaf
"The hardest part for me right now is just not being able to plan, and waiting for my baby to arrive so I can organize myself."
In terms of my career, it hasn’t changed much because I’ve had such a smooth pregnancy! For me, being pregnant—yes, I’m talking about it in the past tense because I’m supposed to give birth in two days (laughs)—it was like an extension of myself: it wasn’t a revolution in my body or in my mind, it just felt natural. For example, I’ve always known that I wouldn’t be a “young mom”: I had my first baby at 33 because I always wanted to do everything I needed to do first, things I couldn’t have done while pregnant or as a mom. For me, it’s obvious: I think that having my first child at 33 makes me feel a sense of serenity, I feel mature and ready. I’m not saying that at 20 or 25 you can’t have a child, but for me, it’s just the right time. And yes, I’m pregnant, but it hasn’t stopped me from doing anything. I just slowed down a little in the first three months because I was extremely tired, but I didn’t stop going out, I didn’t stop working. In fact, I have a shoot this afternoon and I feel good! And it’s not even anything crazy, I just feel good, I’m not nervous. I think it’s more once I have my baby in my arms that I’ll need to get organized, because in reality, even though I’m trying to plan things now, until he or she is here, you can make all the plans you want, but you don’t know your child, you don’t know how they’ll react, you don’t know if they’ll sleep through the night or not, you know nothing! So right now, the hardest part for me is just not being able to plan, and waiting for my baby to arrive so I can organize myself.
Photography by Claire Guillon
On the dad's side, it's funny, and I don't know if we all have the same experience, but I find that at first, they don't realize at all. That is, until you actually have a bump, and start feeling the kicks, I feel like the dad doesn't really grasp what’s going on. He knows his partner is pregnant, but well... meanwhile, us women, we are already communicating with the baby, paying attention to what we eat, etc... we’re already in a protective process that the dad doesn’t have, I think! But my partner was adorable from start to finish. Since I wasn’t sick, and didn’t need to ask for attention or help, it didn’t change much for him. I think he’ll realize more on the day of the birth, especially since he feels frustrated not having the same connection we moms have with the baby in-utero. Not that he would have wanted to be pregnant, of course, but I know it’s something that can frustrate him. It’s not bitterness or jealousy, but well... I’ve been connected to the baby for 9 months, while he’ll be starting from zero when the baby is born. Today, he’s all in! But it took a little time...
"I love being pregnant so much, I don’t know if I’m crazy!"
As for preparing for childbirth, I didn’t feel the need to see a midwife because I felt well-informed. We did take an online class, but I didn’t feel it was really necessary because when I talked to my friends, they all told me, “On D-day, you have to push, you push. We can tell you whatever we want, but when you’re there, you’re there!” I didn’t have much apprehension, I’m not afraid of giving birth, I’m just going to listen and do what I’m told, simply.
However, since I’ve had a real bump, so since the 5th or 6th month, I’ve been dreading the aftermath. I love being pregnant so much, I don’t know if I’m crazy! Even though the last month is a little tough, I love being pregnant, and I love having my baby all to myself. I know my baby is eagerly awaited, by my partner and by our families—we have lots of brothers and sisters—and I tell myself that my baby, who belongs only to me right now, I’m going to have to share. Of course, I know the child doesn’t belong to me, the child is a person in their own right, but right now, I’m the only one who can feed them, give them oxygen, and take care of them. There’s this feeling of knowing that as soon as my baby is born, naturally, there will be so much love, so many happy people. There won’t be jealousy on my part, far from it, but I’ll have to get used to it because I’ve been coexisting exclusively with this baby for 9 months.
In terms of my beauty routine, I normally use pretty clean products, and of course, I had to stop using essential oils, but I didn’t stress too much about it. I didn’t look into every endocrine disruptor present in the products; I didn’t want to go down that road. It was mainly in the first trimester that I was very cautious, and then I relaxed. But since I already pay attention to the skincare I use, I didn’t make any drastic changes.
Photography by Claire Guillon
"I thought my mind wasn’t ready to have a baby right away, and when I saw the positive test, I was really surprised."
Discovering my pregnancy: I had a doubt, so I took a test with the complicity of my boyfriend when we were on vacation with my entire family in a big house in the United States. I didn’t want anyone to know at that moment… I took the test, and it was positive… My boyfriend was downstairs in the house, I was on the first floor, and it wasn’t at all sexy! I thought I’d make a cooler, more elaborate announcement, but I just texted him saying, “Come up,” and when he came up, he said, “What?” I handed him the pregnancy test, and we didn’t even cry or laugh. He just said, “Oh, yeah, okay, cool,” and I told him I wanted to take another one to be sure! I wasn’t sure, and I wasn’t overjoyed. It’s strange because I was far from home, I was in an American environment, and I didn’t expect it! Of course, I was happy, but since we had only started trying not long before, in my mind, I thought it would take time, it would be difficult, and also, I had just lost my mom. I thought my mind wasn’t ready to receive a baby right away, and when I saw the positive test, I was really surprised. I told myself we’d still take another one just to be sure. I took several more in the days that followed, all positive, but it was really when I got back to Paris, had my blood tests, and my gynecologist called me that I realized.
"I told myself, yes, in fact, pregnancy is not an illness, the key to serenity for me!"
One thing I applied from the beginning that helped me stay pretty chill about it all, considering it's such a huge upheaval, was not to forget about myself while pregnant. I know some people who were expecting babies and were way more stressed because everything was dedicated to the child, which is great, but we women are the ones carrying the child. I think it's important to continue taking care of yourself and not imagine that the slightest action could put us in danger.
It also depends on what the medical professionals tell you, but I think we’re overly vigilant. I didn’t drink alcohol or anything, of course, but if you read things on apps, blogs, even sometimes doctors can have somewhat alarmist speeches. I find it can be a bit stressful, and it can quickly feel like a disease. For example, my gynecologist, who has been following me for years, has a very different approach from the obstetrician who will deliver my baby. They are two completely different perspectives: my gynecologist is someone who is extremely anxious, and that’s why I love him. He’s the guy who sends me for blood tests twice a year and checks everything, including Pap smears. But in a time when you’re expecting a child, if you take everything literally, you’re in for 9 months of intense vigilance! So, in the meantime, I had to switch to a different follow-up and see the obstetrician at the maternity hospital where I was going to give birth, and he was much calmer, more serene. I found my peace with this person because I told myself that yes, in fact, pregnancy is not an illness, and that’s the key to serenity for me!
See you next Wednesday for a new talk on motherhood!
