To our magical bodies by Josépha
Reading time: 8 min
My name is Josépha, I am 26 years old, I am the mother of Paloma, who is 8 months old, and I have created two documentary series: the first one is called 'Meufs,' which deals with what we experience every day as women – a vast topic! The second one is called 'Mères,' which focuses on motherhood. More recently, I created the Loma Club, which organizes support groups where mothers with similar profiles and challenges can meet. I connect them and lead the groups so that everyone can speak freely about whatever topic they choose. Generally, I approach all my projects as if I am the first client: I ask myself what I would really like to see and how I would like it to be done, and that’s how I created Loma. I thought that if I needed it, I certainly wasn't the only one…
When I had Paloma, I was lucky to have women around me to turn to, but some women don't have that privilege. I also realized that, even though I’m very close to my mom and my grandmother, there is still a gap on many subjects between generations. So, even if you're surrounded by family, there are certain things you can't necessarily talk about, or topics where you don't feel comfortable, or where there will quickly be judgment. Sometimes, talking with strangers allows you to open up freely, whether it’s about your hair loss or your sex life… without the fear of being judged! That’s really what I wanted to create with Loma.
Because we talk a lot about kindness, but is everything truly kind around us? I’m not sure. We talk a lot about sisterhood, but isn’t there sometimes competition between women and judgment among us? So, I really wanted a format for exchange that wasn't filmed, where no one but the participants knows what is said. It’s an hour where nothing leaves the discussion group. The frequency of these meetings depends on the availability of each woman; we are all moms or future moms, so I try to juggle all of that – the profiles, the availability, and then it depends on each person’s affinities. Sometimes I can organize four sessions in one day, sometimes I don’t have any, it also depends on me, my other projects, and my daughter.
"I love women, I love talking, I love helping each other, I love doing this."
The concept of Loma is that moms take a session whenever they want, one to start, and after that, they are part of the group and can talk to each other, exchange advice. I also offer theme-based sessions later, but there is no obligation regarding frequency. It can be every month, every three months… there’s no rule. I love women, I love talking, I love helping each other, I love doing this. That’s Loma!
"With the arrival of my daughter, everything changed. I believe I’ve become braver since she’s been here. I tell myself I want her to be proud of me."
With the arrival of my daughter, everything changed. I now operate on instinct, and I couldn’t imagine speaking to mothers if I weren’t one myself. I can only speak about what I know, and although I’d wanted to talk about motherhood for a long time, I told myself I would do it when I experienced it myself. And sure enough, I really needed to talk about it at that moment. Paloma’s arrival makes me feel more creative. Actually, it's not exactly that — I don’t feel more creative, but I think I’ve become braver since she’s been here because I want her to be proud of me. I’d like her to be brave, so it’s up to me to be that way.
In fact, she’s the one teaching me everything. She’s an 8-month-old baby, but when I see how much she’s so instinctual, it’s crazy, I think she’s the one who’s right. I’m no longer afraid of making mistakes with her, and I tell myself that life could end tomorrow — we really become aware of that when we become mothers, I think, so now I want to do what makes me happy. By the way, I also took doula seminars after having Paloma, and it was fascinating.
About the body: First, I’d like to clarify that I’m fascinated by women. I’m fascinated by the female body, by motherhood. But we can say that almost every woman has some issue with her body, whether she's a mother or not. I don’t know any woman who is 100% okay with her body. We tend to blame society, but it would be too easy to place all the blame on society — we also put incredible pressure on ourselves. We compare ourselves to others, even with our partners sometimes, when we say, "Ah, I don’t like this part of me," while the other person probably hasn’t even noticed. Often, when another woman looks at us, we think, "Ah, she must be looking at my cellulite," when she’s probably thinking, "Wow, she has such beautiful hair!"
"I hated my body for years, and yet it gives me the greatest gift."
Having Paloma helped me let go of my physical image and accept that "it’s okay if I have a pimple today," for example. I hate wearing makeup, but I think it’s amazing when I see a woman super made-up and it looks amazing on her. The pressures regarding the body are so strong and vast in general. In any case, I feel like I love myself more since becoming a mother. I think it’s crazy what I’ve managed to do: there are women who can’t have children, women who suffer miscarriage after miscarriage, women who get pregnant when they didn’t want to, women who experience denial, and I had the privilege of wanting a child and having one. I wanted a child — I got one. I want to feed her — I can, I breastfeed her, it’s magical. So, I hated my body for years, for years I had issues with it, I gave it a hard time, and in fact, it doesn’t hold it against me, it gives me the greatest gift. So it’s okay.
"I believe we should all have someone in our lives who tells us this, whether it's a man or not, to cherish those marks."
In fact, I love the marks on my body. I have stretch marks from pregnancy, and a bit more cellulite, and I actually think they’re beautiful. I also have a partner who, whenever he sees my stretch marks, says, “Can you believe it? These are signs of Paloma, it’s amazing.” I believe we should all have someone in our lives who says this to us, whether it's a man or not, to help us cherish those marks. Someone who reminds us that it’s good to have them.
I posted photos of myself on Instagram, photos of my postpartum body in a swimsuit: when I posted these photos, I wasn’t at ease. I turned off my phone right after, just like when you’re a teenager and you send a declaration to a guy and then wonder what the heck you just did! There are days when I look in the mirror and think, “This is hard,” and other times when it’s not so bad. And once again, it’s Paloma who helps me, because I want her to grow up with the image of a mother who loves herself. It’s a daily process. We should tell ourselves that we’re beautiful. I try to take a step back from all of this, the body, etc. I’m 26, I don’t want to get to 50 and regret spending all those years stressing over my weight for no reason.
As for pregnancy, I didn’t necessarily love being pregnant, and yet I miss it. I didn’t really enjoy it because I was extremely sick. Unlike some women who are afraid of gaining weight, I loved seeing my body change. It’s an experience I enjoyed, and I’d love to experience it again. I hope to have another child or more someday. So, I miss it a little, but I’m much happier now that my daughter is here. What I miss are the sensations of feeling her move, the excitement of thinking, “Oh, I’m going to meet her.” But at the same time, I don’t miss the insomnia where I imagined horrible things… that hasn’t changed. Once the baby is here, you still imagine horrible things! Anyway, if I could, I’d love to slow down time just a little, at least a little. It goes by too quickly!
Postpartum, I loved it because I had prepared myself: I saw it as a time where I could really focus on myself and my baby. I briefed my partner, and we decided to create a little bubble for the three of us. Yes, there are plenty of annoying things: wearing diapers, feeling ugly, feeling heavy, being tired, crying all the time... and even though I think it’s great that we’re opening up about postpartum and its difficulties, I think it’s important to tell women that postpartum can also be extraordinary: if you listen to yourself, if you give yourself time, if you're gentle with yourself, forget about the body, let go, think about your mental health, your baby, your cocoon... When Paloma was born, I was hit hard because we were separated: she spent a week in the neonatal unit. Those who have experienced it will understand, you create a bubble, you no longer know what time it is outside... I spent mornings holding Paloma, asleep in my arms, sometimes for six hours straight, feeling like it only lasted an hour. Time changes completely, so it resets your priorities, it gives you a sense of what truly matters.
When you finally get home, and someone tells you, “Your baby shouldn’t be out for many reasons, to avoid getting sick,” you actually listen: all the visits, all the friends, all the introductions can happen later, it’s not important. I owe nothing to anyone, because when you give birth, you feel like you owe everyone who wants to meet your baby. There’s a lifetime to do that. I had a lot of mothers around me, I had already started building my network, and I knew who to turn to if I needed help. I had a really difficult start to breastfeeding, so I chose my battles: my battle was to make breastfeeding work and to create a bond with my daughter above all.
"And the fact that it was difficult made my desire to breastfeed even stronger."
In fact, when I was pregnant, I told myself I’d breastfeed if I could, we’d see later, but when I gave birth, I thought, "There’s no way! I want to breastfeed," and it was hard. And the fact that it was difficult made my desire to breastfeed even stronger. I really understood what it meant to breastfeed. Now it’s working, even though I only breastfeed from one breast—I didn’t even know that was possible!
"The peaceful army! I truly believe that’s what we are."
The advice or things I wish someone had told me: I wish someone had told me a few things. One thing, which is a bit hard to hear, is that fear doesn’t prevent danger. In fact, don’t be afraid because if something is meant to happen, it will happen! Don’t waste your time and energy stressing, enjoy life because so many things can happen, even good things. We always imagine the worst, but amazing things can happen too! So fear doesn’t prevent danger, good things don’t only happen to others, amazing things can happen to you, you deserve them, just because everything is fine now doesn’t mean something bad will happen tomorrow. Don’t be afraid of the future, live day by day, because we’re always anxious about what’s coming, all of us, but when you’re a mother or pregnant, it’s even worse, I think. And be gentle with yourself. It sounds simple and silly, but be gentle with many things. For example, if you don’t want to have sex, don’t have sex, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad partner for your boyfriend or girlfriend, that’s not true. You’re putting pressure on yourself. You feel like everyone has an amazing sex life after childbirth, and it’s the same during pregnancy, but it’s not true.
Finally, I would say, have the strength to not stay alone, surround yourself, talk to others: my breastfeeding journey was partly saved thanks to a lactation consultant, a friend who breastfeeds, my grandmother... the peaceful army! I named Loma this way because I sincerely believe this is what we are.
