My name is Camille, I'm 31 years old. I have been living in Bordeaux since October 2020. I gave birth to my first child, Jules, on February 12, 2020, at Port Royal in Paris. I have just completed my professional retraining to become a florist after almost 10 years in event management.
Jules' arrival was a real surprise. We always said we wanted children, but we hadn't planned for it to happen "so quickly."
Discovery
At first, it was a shock, and then came the joy. Not immediately in an explosion of joy, because we were torn between fear, happiness, and the sudden upheaval that awaited us. Especially because, around me, I had only heard of very complicated pregnancy journeys, so it didn’t seem possible that it would “work so easily” for us.
I’m lucky to be surrounded by my aunt, who is a midwife and who immediately helped me with the first stresses you can encounter when you find out you're pregnant: registering at the maternity ward, okay, but which one... I rushed to do this, even though my partner didn’t know I was pregnant yet. Crazy, right? Apparently, that’s how it’s done in Paris (haha). Amid all this “surprise” pregnancy chaos, the hardest part was not understanding the protocol, what Level 1, 2, or 3 maternity care meant, physiological childbirth, cesarean sections, what this might imply for you and your baby to be.
At the same time this crazy news hit us, my grandmother, who I was very close to, was passing away. We actually did our first ultrasound on August 16, 2019, in Marseille, and the sonographer told us there was an 80% chance it was a boy. We shared the news with my entire family, who were with her, that very day. She passed away that night with this news. I am so happy that we learned the sex of our baby so early and could share it with this person who was so precious to us.
When I got home, the symptoms of the first trimester set in: horrible nausea, extreme fatigue. I had to sleep 2 to 4 hours a day and could only eat cheap frozen lasagna. No comment…
Since my partner’s family is in Bordeaux, we waited until the three-month mark to go there and announce the news in person. We shared a very emotional moment, full of joy, in this strange and sad period of life. The pregnancy was well and truly confirmed, and the baby was in perfect health…"
Pregnancy
At the time I got pregnant, we were living in the 12th arrondissement of Paris, in an apartment we loved — small but truly beautiful. Professionally, it was a time of great upheaval. I had left my permanent position in event planning 6 months earlier, and I was about to start a very intense training program to become a florist at the École des Fleuristes de Paris. I decided to postpone that training until the following year.
In fact, being naturally very anxious, I realized I would focus entirely on my pregnancy and wouldn’t be able to do anything else for 9 months. I was very afraid of what could happen...
Since my partner couldn’t physically experience the pregnancy, we decided to do many things, both to understand and to embrace this huge news, but also to try to not miss anything. So, we decided to try haptonomy with a freelance midwife. In the end, that was basically all I did for 9 months: monthly checkups with my midwife for pregnancy monitoring, haptonomy sessions with her, prenatal classes, long naps, walks with friends to work off the lunches, haha...
However, in terms of how I felt, it was something else. I don’t think I really enjoyed being pregnant. Given that I had all the pregnancy ailments, with the fatigue that was still quite disabling, I didn’t really enjoy the physical transformation. I didn’t feel great. Being someone who’s self-conscious, I didn’t necessarily enjoy the first months with a belly that was struggling to show and yet everyone was looking at it... I wasn’t very comfortable. But well, the end was at least funny (or not), when you’re huge and walking with your legs spread, haha. The hardest part was the daily routine of applying cream to my body...
Taking care of myself
I started using oil right away because I was very afraid my skin would crack. It's hard to imagine "the aftermath" when you're pregnant with your first child. But what’s for sure is that I didn’t want to deal with stretch marks afterward.
First, I used Weleda oil, but I couldn’t stand the smell. Then I switched to Dailily oil, which smelled like Little Lu biscuits, and I liked that much more. In fact, I still use oil today; I’ve kept that ritual.
In the postpartum period, moisturizing my body every morning helped me accept my empty belly, look at and massage my scar... so it helped me get used to my new body.
Preparing for childbirth
My mother, aunt, and maternal grandmother all had cesarean sections. So, for me, I didn’t really think about anything other than a cesarean because I had always heard about that way of giving birth. And then, there was like a challenge, and I started to be made aware that vaginal delivery "is better" for many reasons.
Cesarean anyway
I still tried to believe I would give birth vaginally. When I took the prenatal classes, I really tried to convince myself, but I now realize I never truly imagined giving birth that way.
At the last ultrasound, I learned that my baby was breech. I had no idea what that meant or what it implied. The medical staff around me encouraged me to try everything to turn him: I started acupuncture sessions, tried different exercises at home, and also considered attempting an external cephalic version (ECV) at the hospital.
I categorically refused the latter technique for the simple reason that it is painful, could trigger labor, and there was no guarantee the delivery would be vaginal. I actually remember having to justify my refusal, as I felt a sort of pressure. A few days later, we learned that my baby had a significant weight, and in addition to not turning naturally, a cesarean became the obvious choice.
It was no longer a question of choice but a question of what was medically safest for both the baby and me. My partner was really calm about the cesarean; for him, it was great. I tried to explain to him not to look at it that way, that ideally, we should give birth as naturally as possible. But we were very far from a physiological birth in a home pool (laughs).
So, we were going to welcome our son through a cesarean. There were no more doubts. However, the typical prenatal classes didn’t prepare me for this. We asked our haptonomy midwife to help us prepare for the cesarean: she did even better, we had a simulation of the big day: she positioned me, placed my feet, arms in a cross, explained where the sterile drape would be, and where David would be.
At the last maternity appointment, given the baby’s position and my refusal of the ECV, we were offered to schedule the cesarean. Which we did: we chose February 18, 2020. With 39 weeks passed, there was no issue.
We told a few close family members that our baby would be born by cesarean, and I was very surprised by the reactions, most of which were negative: memories of painful experiences, incomprehension from others… the scheduled cesarean clearly didn’t have unanimous support.
Fortunately, our haptonomy midwife, with great kindness, had prepared us for the big day, and I was reading articles and books about what would happen, as well as about postpartum. I wondered what this body would look like, in which I didn’t feel very comfortable, with this scar for life.
I also remember reading Caroline Receveur’s birth story about her “comfort” cesarean. She said something about the journey (the labor) you go through in pain (contractions) to welcome your child, and that you don’t have to accept suffering. Everyone has their own choices, their own birth plan, their own path.
I really questioned myself about the "path" I wanted to take to welcome our first child. For some people, going through this journey is essential; something happens, it’s a rite of passage. Personally, I thought I’d spent nine months doing nothing but preparing, and I was ready. I preferred to give birth calmly, without the tears, the screams, the tears, the episiotomy, the damaged perineum, and so on. I thought I didn’t feel the need for that. My path was to take the subway in the morning with my partner, completely calm, everything planned out. I had seen the haptonomist again, we had everything lined up, we were ready.
The birth
Except it didn’t happen at all like that.
On the night of February 11th to 12th, 2020, my water broke. We went to the maternity hospital around 2 a.m. by Uber, feeling very calm, laughing a lot, and watching series during the monitoring. We were told that, indeed, the baby would come by cesarean, but probably in the early morning since there was no emergency. I had time to start going into labor and feel a few contractions before they came to get me. I remember negotiating with the nurse on duty that night to avoid washing my hair with Betadine—not that I was against the idea of washing my hair, but because I had just gotten a very expensive Brazilian straightening...
The moment
Once I arrived in the operating room, I felt very cold. The spinal anesthesia went very smoothly because, thanks to my haptonomist, I had been trained to not feel anything and adopt the right posture. The team positioned me, I couldn’t feel my legs, my arms were outstretched, and I was trembling from the medication (which I knew would happen). The team set me up with something to warm me. I could barely recognize my partner with his cap and mask, but he was so calm and smiling. His presence reassured me. It was 7:00 a.m. when the team did a test to check if I could feel anything: here we go. A few minutes later, we saw a little being pass over the drape... The words I uttered at that precise moment will remain etched in my memory ("OH SHIT," hahaha)... and I felt an utterly indescribable feeling when I saw my baby, a shiver running through my body instantly upon seeing him... they say this is called "bliss." The team came to present him to us, David held our baby and pressed his cheek against mine. I felt Jules’ skin against mine, his round and so soft cheek. I was overwhelmed with emotions. Then, he left with his father for the first care and to check that everything was fine. We knew, we were prepared. They were together, while I had to be closed up and go to the recovery room.
Once settled in my room, I asked to get up as quickly as possible, which I managed to do, albeit with difficulty, at 6 p.m. It wasn’t easy, I won’t hide that, the staples were painful, the posture was hard to maintain, gravity was doing its work. But I was proud to be standing. I went to take a shower and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked at this soft body with the scar. And I can say that I’ve never considered myself particularly beautiful in front of a mirror, but that day… I thought I was so beautiful, so brave. I loved what I saw, though honestly… but I was so proud! We were all three together in the room, and if I had to go through exactly the same thing the next morning, I would have done it without hesitation. I felt good, very calm, everything had gone so well, we had experienced such wonderful positive emotions during the day… inexplicable.
Postpartum
Our postpartum period went by. Jules was born weighing 3.980 kg and lost more than 10% of his weight. The team stressed me a bit about it, so I opted for mixed feeding right away: my first cracks were already well-established, I was exhausted from the cesarean, and the team came to check on me every 2 hours, day and night, making it impossible to recover, so I made the choice that seemed best in the context we were in. My hormone drop occurred during the postpartum period, over 48 hours, with many tears and anxiety, an overwhelming feeling of dizziness, but I was very well supported and reassured by my partner and the team at Port Royal. We had decided not to have visitors at the maternity hospital, and I don’t regret that decision at all. Four suspended days, out of time, to get to know each other as a family of three was fundamental.
Homecoming
When we got home, David had prepared everything and managed everything. I felt like I was being carried by my partner, and I quickly realized, being at home with Jules, that suddenly nothing could happen to me. I felt complete and serene with OUR family.
Finding your professional path and postpartum
The magic of life led me to Sophie Le Roy last July. Sophie founded a lifestyle store in the heart of the Chartrons district in Bordeaux: La Gaité. There, you can find men's and women's ready-to-wear clothing, home décor, and a carefully curated selection of brands and pieces. I help her with managing the shop and also with content creation. It’s a true entrepreneurial adventure that I’m really enjoying and feeling good about. I believe the most important thing is to feel fulfilled in your professional project. Alongside my job, I created an online shop for dried flowers, Des Fleurs, where I work on orders. Sometimes I also release small batches of dried bouquets, bells, crowns, etc.
It doesn’t matter what we do, as long as we want to go for it! With David, we believe in the motto “happy parent, happy child.” After that, I won’t hide the fact that the mornings and evenings are real marathons. But I think we can say that we’ve found our balance.
In any case, I can no longer afford to be unhappy when I come home from work; I don’t want to show negativity to my son.
Advice for future young moms
I’ve learned a lot since becoming a mom. One thing stands out: knowing how to surround yourself... in motherhood, parenting, or entrepreneurship, you need to know how to surround yourself, find your village.
When you become a mom, only listen to yourself. You’ve done everything you needed to do, so when your baby is here, trust yourself. You are the best person for your baby. Your instinct will be the right one. If you want to sleep with your baby, sleep with your baby.
