Motherhood as a doctor by Jade
I met Jade when she was 24 weeks pregnant. Jade is an ophthalmologist, and she is as brilliant as she is beautiful. She told me a lot of things: how she found out she was pregnant, what it meant to be working at the hospital, how she was approaching her upcoming motherhood, and what she was doing to take care of herself during this very special time: exercise, beauty, diet...
Thank you, Jade, for granting me this interview, and congratulations again on the birth of your little Ora!
Photography by Emma Bedos for talm
Actually, I fell asleep on the floor of my office at the hospital and I thought to myself, "either I have a very serious illness or I’m pregnant!"
That’s how I realized it.
To all the mamas: Jade, can you explain your work at the hospital and how your pregnancy is going in this professional context?
Jade: I’m an ophthalmologist in a university hospital department – I don’t have a typical day, but I split my time between a mixed activity, which means both consultations and operating room duties. In terms of hours, it’s always about the same: we start around 8 a.m. and finish around 6 p.m., but we can also have on-call shifts – this means you are called in for surgical emergencies. If we get an emergency, we have to be ready to react!
The first trimester wasn’t very pleasant… The biggest difficulty for me was the interaction with patients during consultations – meaning having to mobilize immediately to explain and discuss things with people. I found it less difficult in the surgical part, which is very protocolized – actually, I’ve been trained for years to do the same thing. So, it was mainly the consultation side that was really hard: you can tell when you’re unwell! For patients who come to consult, who come to the hospital, there is already stress, a lot of waiting, and people are there to be reassured, which is tough when you’re looking pale!
To all the mamas: Were you very sick during the first trimester?
Jade: The nausea was on and off, and by 4 months, it was completely gone! A lot of fatigue – I was exhausted, and that’s when I thought to myself, "Ah, maybe I’m pregnant!" Because, of course, all the tracking of my cycle, the red dots in my agenda, all that… I had to forget about it! Actually, I fell asleep on the floor of my office at the hospital and thought to myself, “either I have a very serious illness or I’m pregnant!” That’s when I realized it. After the nausea, I was sick, I vomited – and mostly, I felt terrible about myself – psychologically, I wasn’t there, I was a bit detached. My food preferences changed completely during the first trimester, but now I’m back!!
The first trimester is like a triple penalty because you can’t feel your baby move, so you don’t feel pregnant, you just feel sick.
Photography by Jade Landman
To all the mamas: Did you have any cravings or changes in your eating habits?
I come from a mixed household with a Vietnamese father, and we never ate bread at home. I never knew the whole "buy a baguette on the way home" routine! When I was pregnant, I ate white bread for 3 months (laughs). I was also disgusted by everything – I couldn’t cook anything with a strong smell, but just like that, it all stopped overnight.
To all the mamas: Was it difficult for you to hide your pregnancy during the first 3 months?
Jade: The first trimester is a bit of a triple penalty because you can’t feel your baby move, so you don’t feel pregnant, you just feel sick. On top of that, I had the 25% miscarriage rate in mind for the first trimester, so it was hard for me to be excited and share the news... but on the other hand, you’re a bit conflicted, thinking, well, if I have a miscarriage, I’ll want to talk to my loved ones about it! What would I say to them, "I was pregnant, and now it’s over"? That seems even worse… I was lucky because there were 3 weeks of vacation, so I was away from Paris and didn’t have to pretend everything was fine. Plus, pretending nothing is happening around your loved ones is really exhausting. The first trimester wasn’t easy!
To all the mamas: How did you announce it to your loved ones?
Jade: We announced it relatively late to our loved ones, still with that 25% in mind, thinking we didn’t want to get them involved too early – it wasn’t really about hiding it or having to deal with a miscarriage, because I have no problem owning something that isn’t my fault. It was mostly about not getting into "pregnancy mode" if it wasn’t going to work out. It was more for us. I remember when Ben proposed to me, there was a little week where we didn’t tell anyone to keep it just for us. And after that, I think it’s really intimate to pick up the phone and call friends saying "I’m pregnant" – I didn’t do it much, actually.
To all the mamas: How did you announce it to your husband?
Jade: With Ben, we were completely together. I called him and said, "I’m lying on the floor here, something’s going on, buy a test." We did it together, and we saw the result together. It was a joint announcement! Funny enough, it was also the day of our 10-year anniversary, and we were going to Jean-François Piège’s place, where I really couldn’t eat much (laughs)!
Photography by Emma Bedos for talm
Afterward, for the rest of the people, we waited for the first ultrasound, and then we sent the photo of the ultrasound, and that was it. I think it's a real professional deformation, but it felt very medicalized. When I shared it with people, it felt like I was letting them into my medical record, the terms, the ultrasounds, etc. I think there's something about it that I experience differently compared to someone who doesn’t work at the hospital, where I really feel like I'm giving out medical information about myself to others (laughs)! It’s more me having a hard time talking about it, but I don’t mind receiving questions.
I thought a lot about this, like every pregnant woman probably does, "How do I feel about people wanting to touch or touching my belly?" And honestly, it doesn’t bother me! Close friends tend not to ask... I work in a large department, and the nurses ask a lot, but I never refuse because it’s always well-intentioned. I understand the "it’s my body" side, but I’ve realized I don’t care, that I have to choose my battles, and that one is definitely not mine!
To all the mamas: How was the pregnancy announcement at work?
Jade: I had to announce it a bit earlier to my closest colleagues because we were planning the on-call shifts, and I wanted to gather them for the first two trimesters of the pregnancy to avoid getting up in the middle of the night at 8 months pregnant. I told them a bit earlier, saying, "Listen, don’t say anything, I haven’t told the boss yet." The news was very well received. We’re all in the same age group in my department: we’re all in our thirties. The department head even told one of my colleagues, "When you hire someone in their thirties who’s married, you expect this kind of thing!" It was totally fine.
As for me, I’m more like, "If I could, he would carry the baby for me!"
To all the mamas: It seems like you’re working in a rather supportive environment—nurses looking out for you, your hierarchy expecting it—so ultimately, you avoid some of what women sometimes experience when announcing their pregnancy... the guilt!
Jade: The guilt has been mostly carried, and is still carried, by my husband! He took on a new role right when I was due—so possibly right at the start of paternity leave. He works more hours than I do and finds it much harder to free up time to come with me to medical appointments. It takes a lot more coordination for him to make time for an ultrasound or similar appointments, while I work right across from Port-Royal, so it’s super convenient for me! He had to announce my pregnancy to his future boss, and he really wasn’t sure how he was going to do it!
To all the mamas: How do you involve him in your pregnancy? Some dads feel excluded sometimes.
Jade: I’m more like, "If I could, he would carry the baby for me!" Ben is more focused on the aspect of sharing and transmission. We’re not really into haptonomy, and generally, we weren’t looking for any method to make space for the dad. On the other hand, he finds it funny to feel the baby move, and he’s very, very helpful—I can’t complain about mental load! However, there’s not too much space made for the father during pregnancy, that’s for sure. But he’s still super involved—he was there for the ultrasounds. Those moments are really fun, it’s a real meeting!
To all the mamas: Did you have any particular worries or anxieties because of your pregnancy?
Jade: All my anxieties regarding future motherhood shifted to the professional side! Pregnancy itself isn’t something that makes me anxious—I’m caught up in the rhythm. For the first time in my life, however, I woke up at 5 a.m. thinking about my patients, wondering if I had forgotten something. My worry shifted to work, looking after patients who don’t need to be looked after! I definitely shifted my focus and had a hard time letting go of that side of things. I didn’t have any "middle-of-the-night strawberry cravings" or anything like that!
To all the mamas: And how are you feeling? Your relationship with your body?
Jade: I didn’t have that whole super-feminine feeling. On the other hand, I find it funny to see other people’s reactions to my pregnancy. In terms of cuteness, a pregnant woman can be dethroned by little puppies, but nothing else, I think! People stare at you on the street as usual, and suddenly their eyes land on your belly and they say, "Oh, we’re so happy to have bumped into a pregnant woman!" It’s crazy how it affects people and even patients! They’re so happy. It’s really funny!
Photography by Emma Bedos for talm
I didn’t change my routines because I’m naturally quite green, but in a completely paradoxical way.
To all the mamas: How do you manage the less fun parts, the restrictions?
Jade: I’m not immune to toxoplasmosis… However, what I notice around me is that women who have a second child are generally less stressed, or when they’re part of the medical profession! Non-medical women are much stricter than we are when it comes to the restrictions, I think. And that’s great! It means our messages get across well, but it also means that we ourselves are not following the rules! But I still pay attention to toxo. I don’t eat raw fish or raw meat anyway, so it’s fine. But I do allow myself to order salads for lunch, and I’m not too worried. I order food without problem—I work in a hospital! So, the salad inevitably tastes like bleach!
As for the rest: I smoked before—I’m a social smoker—but there hasn’t been a single time I’ve wanted a cigarette because there hasn’t been a single time I’ve had a glass of wine... For me, it’s really the combination of the two! Regarding alcohol, I was talking about this with my friends yesterday because we had a marathon of five weddings this year, and while I miss having a glass of champagne during a wedding cocktail where everyone is joyful, I don’t miss the cigarette much at all.
After the obsession with the different oils or creams that my cousin/friend recommends, I’ve had an exponential consumption of body hydration products!
To all the mamas: What are your beauty habits? Have you changed a lot of things since you became pregnant?
Jade: I haven’t changed my routines because I’m already quite green by nature, but in a completely paradoxical way! For skincare and hair, I’m completely green, but when it comes to makeup, after many tries, I’ve stuck with semi-professional brands like MAC and Urban Decay. Similarly, for zero waste, I try to use solid shampoos, washable cotton pads, etc., but paradoxically, it doesn’t bother me to have 50 different lipsticks...
There are some products I no longer use: I don’t wear perfume anymore. I’ve also switched to a deodorant without essential oils from Omum, specifically for pregnant women, the white and purple brand (they really need to do something about the pastel colors, though!). But other than that, I haven’t changed at all—I was already into these kinds of concerns. I’ve tried to test fewer new things and stick to what I know.
To all the mamas: Did you do anything special to accompany your body’s transformation?
Jade: That was one of my concerns during the first trimester—my belly started showing around the fourth month. I was in total panic about my body changing. I was afraid I wouldn’t recognize myself. I have anxiety about not getting my body back completely afterward, actually! From the beginning, like from day one, I thought about it! It was the first thing I thought of... and again, I’m only talking about the things that are visible and related to beauty because the medical side—prolapse, pelvic floor, all that—is a whole other thing. Maybe it worried me less because I know that there’s support available with rehabilitation and all that...
Photography by Emma Bedos for talm
To all the mamas: So how did you manage it? Any advice?
Jade: After obsessing over the different oils and creams that my cousin/friend recommended, I had an exponential consumption of body hydration products! But there’s also the issue of weight, of course. The myth of “eating for two” has really been debunked.
I try to maintain some physical activity, but it’s not easy: I walk, do yoga, and swim. I walk home from the hospital, it acts as a valve for me and allows me to feel my body doing what I tell it to do, which is really a pleasure. Swimming is great because there are convenient hours; I go in the mornings or sometimes in the middle of the day to break it up. And yoga at Casayoga is awesome. I even did Gong Bath! For an hour and a half, you’re in a room with floor mats and cushions everywhere, you lie down however you want, and there’s a guy with about thirty gongs and Tibetan bowls. It vibrates a lot! It’s supposed to be guided meditation – for me, it didn’t necessarily work, but the baby moved the whole time, which was so funny. The effect on my psyche was kind of limited!
To all the mamas: That sounds really nice! And are you going to take any childbirth preparation classes? How do you feel about childbirth, by the way?
Jade: Childbirth classes are planned! As for the birth, I’m completely in the “let myself be guided” mindset – I’m not at all into physiological childbirth. I have a very simple birth plan, which is to have an epidural and just ensure that everything goes well, in the safest conditions possible.
Also, I don’t have that weird relationship with the hospital at all! I spend more time at the hospital than at home, so it’s actually a reassuring place. It’s even a department I’ve worked in, so it’s a very familiar place. I think this is what women mean when they say they want to give birth at home, “I want to be in a familiar place that reassures me,” and that’s exactly my approach with the hospital—I know the place well. The only “apprehension” I have so far is that I know that having a patient—and in this case, a couple of medical professionals—is extra pressure, and it’s much more complicated to treat doctors! It’s also more complicated to be a patient! I think we have a hard time being guided. But the advantage we have is that we’re a psychiatrist and an ophthalmologist, so, as you can imagine, gyno... (laughs) we have no opinions on that matter! It’s a field where we don’t know much, the gestational diabetes test, for example, I’m discovering just like any other woman! It’s a bit like distant memories from university! And we tell all the healthcare workers we meet, “No, no, explain everything to us,” and generally, they’re a bit embarrassed! For example, during an ultrasound, the doctor said, “Okay, here’s the head,” but the last time I saw an ultrasound was back in university!
The first ultrasound really recharges you after the first trimester!
Photography by Emma Bedos for talm
To all the mamas: How did the ultrasounds go?
Jade: Being a doctor, I’ve had a lot of ultrasounds… Because you always have a friend nearby! Whenever you have a little doubt, you just get an ultrasound. So, at 24 weeks, I’ve already had at least 6 ultrasounds (laughs).
The first one was the dating ultrasound, which wasn’t mandatory but simply to check that the pregnancy was progressing well and in the right place in the uterus. We were going abroad for 3 weeks, so it was just to make sure everything was fine before we left. So, I just had a little ultrasound at Port-Royal: that’s where I saw a little bean with a little heartbeat. It’s funny, but it’s really just anatomy.
The first real ultrasound was with Ben, and it was really moving to see him get emotional! Because for him, it was the first time seeing the baby – that’s when it becomes real, I think – the first ultrasound is really the boost of the first trimester! When everyone tells you, “Remember, pregnancy isn’t a disease!” but then you don’t feel your baby moving yet and just feel sick, the first ultrasound is really the thing that makes you realize that all these discomforts are for something much cooler than what you’re experiencing right now!
The second ultrasound, the morphological one (well, there were a few bonus ones in between, of course): I’d heard that a lot of people experience it with anxiety, and that’s normal – we’re afraid of bad news, etc… but since I’d already had a few before, I generally knew everything was fine and that there shouldn’t be any big surprises, so we weren’t anxious. Anyway, it was fun! For this one, you see everything, you see the baby move, you see her swallow… Again, I think we have professional deformation, I was talking to a friend of mine who’s a doctor and pregnant, someone who’s quite anxious, and I said, “Well, you’ve passed the first trimester, now can we breathe a little?” And she said, “No, I’m waiting for the viability threshold,” which in France is generally 25 weeks. That means they don’t resuscitate a baby before 25 weeks. And I actually understand that. I always keep my joy in moderation, thinking, “Yes, everything’s fine, but don’t get carried away, we still have to continue.”
I’ve still started buying clothes: Ben is very much against this for many reasons, mainly because she’s not here yet, but if we listened to him, we’d put her in a box when she comes from the maternity ward and wait to see how she does before buying a crib! I don’t have that feeling, whatever happens, happens!
As for the name, we have a short list, it’s very good that it’s a girl because for a boy, we had nothing! And it’s familiar. I have a little sister, so I can picture it well!
Interview by Kenza Keller
